Party Political Animal

It is sad and pathetic that parents have to resort to fraud to get their kids into good schools. But don’t blame the mums and dads. Blame the government - national and local.

Instead of caning the parents, Balls and Harrow council should look at why Mrs Patel felt that standards vary so much between the borough’s schools that she had to behave fraudulently to get her child into a decent one.

Education, education, education, promised Mr Blair - and he delivered it, for his kids, that is. He managed to wangle places for his three oldest at a top, selective Chelsea state school, despite not even living in the borough.

The rest of us have to get lucky in where we live, or cheat, or pay for private education - or too often accept sub-standard schools for our kids.

Good education is at the core of almost everything. No economy can be really successful without educated and trained human capital. That’s long been a British weakness. The Tories did reform education, reducing the power of often highly politicised local education authorities as well as introducing largely sensible testing and a core curriculum.

It was a start. But the reforms were bitterly opposed by Labour who repealed most of the reforms after ‘97 - before messily reinstating many of them under different names. They have been fiddling about ever since. As a result, Britain still lags most developed nations in educational attainment.

The question which Harrow councillors and Ed Balls should be asking themselves is not how to stop parents cheating, but why do the Mrs Patels of this world feel they have to commit fraud to give their kids a decent start in life?

I decided to throw caution to the wind. No healthy breakfast for me. Bacon sandwich. So there I was in Parliament with my breakast in hand and shock horror, no supplies of HP sauce. I suspect Members will not be pleased!

The government has once again have got it wrong in its latest ’steady the core vote’ announcement that unsolicited credit card cheques and increased card limits may be banned.

If my own experience is anything to go by, sudden reductions in limits with no notice are more of a problem.

Last November I told Amazon’s Halifax card I was going to Cuba on business, to avoid the card being automatically blocked. This happens in some of the more exotic countries. When I got there a couple of days later, the card was blocked, causing some inconvenience when I was trying to hire a car to drive 600 miles to a coffee plantation on top of a mountain.

I got home to find a letter from Halifax saying that my admittedly very high credit limit (which I had enjoyed for some years with no problems) was being reduced to a pathetic amount - a few hundred pounds in fact, which explained why the card had been declined. The new limit was apparently because the Halifax had “reviewed” my credit status, which I was invited to inspect for myself. I did. There were no problems.

I pressed the Halifax who changed tack. This time they claimed that as a “responsible lender” they were changing their credit policies “in line with the Treasury Select Committee report on responsible lending.”

All fine, but that report was issued in 2004.

Of course the real reason was not my financial problems, but the bank’s. It was Halifax’s, or rather HBOS’s, own credit rating that had fallen somewhat - so somewhat, in fact, that they pretty soon they had to ask me for quite a large a loan - me and a few million other taxpayers, that is. Perhaps if they had taken note of that select committee report in 2004, rather than four years later, they wouldn’t have required my dosh to bail them out. Either way, it doesn’t help when they treat customers to such bollocks. Who writes these letters? Ex-government spin-doctors? Probably, come to think of it.

No, I suspect most people people greet an increased credit limit with a yelp of delight. The government gets it wrong again. Perhaps that’s because ministers haven’t had to use credit cards much in recent years. They just make a claim to the Commons Fees Office. Tough world out there for the rest of us, guys - you may find that out for yourselves pretty soon.

Under GNER users of the East Cost mainline used to be offered a selection of Pipers crisps ( or some similar quality crisp). Struggling to finance the £1.4 billion it agreed to pay government, the potato crisp offering downgraded to Walkers (still a quality product). Today passengers get a choice of Golden Wonder! I didn’t know that brand still existed!

The view among regular traveller was to expect salt n shake at any moment. Tough times require tough measures! Perhaps the crisp offering is just a sign of the downfall experienced by NXEC.

I’ve long thought that Early Day Motions or EDMs are a waste of money. I am not convinced they are as influential as some MPs think, and when I found out that in a year the cost of these motions comes tin at over £500,000 I really thought perhaps the money could be better spent.

So what to do? Well I have emailed all MPs asking them whether they believe EDMs should be scrapped. Responses are starting to come in - and it all makes interesting reading. Check it out at www.scrapedms.com

I’ve never been an MP - so perhaps Phillip will have an opinion as to whether he was influenced by EDMs when he was part of Government - or whether he found them useful as a backbencher?

Lets just say that at the moment opinion really is divided - and there are alot of MPs from all parties who think the whole sytem could do with reforming… but what do you think?

I thought I detected an edge of frayed rattiness in Lord Mandy’s interview with Eddy Mair on Radio 4’s PM this afternoon. “Prevailing market conditions” was his Lordship’s stated reason for “postponing” Post Office part-privatisation. Would that be the political market, Mandy?

The Conservatives may celebrate the U-turn on ID cards, but let’s not forget that the Tories have flip-flopped on ID cards at least twice, having initially supported the idea when one David Cameron was head of policy.

Even that new born civil-libertarian David Davis first supported, then opposed, then supported and finally opposed ID cards in lock-step with his party. And his party were right with him. In 2004, shortly after the scheme had been announced, I spoke at a dinner of my former constituency association and was gently hissed for arguing against ID cards.

Two conclusions: by abandoning two of its remaining flagship policies - part Post Office privatisation and ID cards - you have to ask whether there is any longer a point to this government - apart, of course, from a flailing grasp at self-preservation? Come to think of it, new Labour was always more about power than policy. Well guys, now you’ve got neither.

Second, it would be nice to think that the Tories had used their considerable time in opposition to think long, hard and deep about what they stand for. Sadly, I’m not sure they have used the time well.

It may not make much difference to their electoral prospects - Labour are after all falling over themselves to lose the next election. They make the last years of John Major look Churchillian by contrast.

But if and when the Tories are back in government, they may regret not having a core of real beliefs to hold onto - in good times and bad. Power as the end rather than the means to the end is never quite enough, as first Blair and now Brown are finding out.

I have some very sad news. Vom, Wuffitmix Westminster Dog of the Year in 1997, died at the weekend aged nearly nineteen.

Vom spanned the eras. Born under Mrs. Thatcher, communism had only just fallen and two Gulf Wars were yet to be fought. He saw four prime-ministers (very nearly five), four US presidents and God knows how many Tory leaders.

As a mongrel border collie born to a single mother on a rough Derbyshire pig farm, Vom perhaps characterised the kinder-gentler post-Thatcher era. Though not large, he was incredibly tough, resilient and independent. He rarely started a fight, but when provoked he fought like a Ninja.

Often completely mad in the intense border collie way, he was also very affectionate and good with kids - especially those trained to throw sticks. He greeted people he knew and loved with high pitched barks, grinning teeth and tail wagging so vigorous that it twisted his whole scrawny little body.

Vom had a beautiful, silky coat and an earthy, healthy essence of dog smell. With his pointed nose, one cocked, one flipped over ear, black and white markings and piercing stare, he was the quintessential mutt.

It would be difficult to define Vom’s politics. He had charm, but above all he had massive character. He would have, and did, despise the superficially charming, but ultimately characterless new Labour project. He felt pretty much the same about their clones, the new Tories. Power for Vom was a means, not an end. He might have been more comfortable on the extreme libertarian wing of the Thatcherite Tories. But he also had a radical, Tom Paine, meritocratic and undeferential streak. Vom was a conviction dog.

An impromptu gift from a farmer and former Amber Valley Conservative chairman, Vom was handed over one cold October day in a cardboard box with a kitten for company. The small puppy was understandably sick on the Land Rover journey back to the farm in Gloucestershire and his name, initially a joke, began to stick for want of an alternative. But soon it became a badge of honour for the young border collie.

Vom fought two elections in Amber Valley, willingly taking on the attack dogs of the sink estates in 1992 and again in 1997. He was also mascot of the Commons and Lords Rugby XV - his timely bark one time putting off a last-minute South African penalty kicker to prevent defeat.

Initially rejected as an entrant for Westminster Dog of the Year in 1995 due to his mongrel status, a formal complaint ensured his inclusion and a commendation in 1996.

Perhaps his finest moment was winning a year later, a victory which Vom celebrated in his usual style by leaping from the winner’s podium to savage Peter Brooke’s second placed Labrador puppy, before moving on to John Whittingdale’s third place Spaniel - drawing blood in the process from Peter Brooke and anxious glances from the Wuffitmix PR people. The traditional winner’s invitation to visit the Wuffitmix factory was not extended.

‘Very Cross Breed Wins Tory Hat Trick!’ ran one newspaper headline. It was the last thing the Tories were to win in a very long time.

Vom’s other political achievements included being ejected from the Commons terrace and sliding so badly across the vast polished entrance floor of the old DTI that he had ignominiously to be carried out. He was also no stranger to the labyrinthine linoleum corridors of the Treasury or the front seat of my modest ministerial transport.

After 1997, Vom was involved in the opening of Cubana bar-restaurant and often seen there. However, his real love was the farm and the surrounding villages, which provided a constant supply of willing bitches and not so pliant owners who were even known - optimistically - to call the police.

Vom was tough, wiry and fit almost to the end. As late as Easter, the local parish council issued a formal complaint about Vom’s  trips to the village. Deaf and nearly blind for the last couple of years, Vom’s nose was his eyes. His amazing sense of smell could scent what was happening miles away and his passionate spirit kept him going. He often disappeared for a couple of days at a time, coming back caked in mud and crashing in the bedroom for several more days.

Sadly, the hot spell around the early June elections knocked Vom back. The vet prescribed heart pills. He was a tough old boy and recovered a bit, still eating chicken and digestive biscuits until nearly the end. He was comfortable for two weeks and I stayed with him night and day for almost the whole time.

But he was tired and just wanted to sleep.It was as if the massive spirit and character which had driven him on for nearly nineteen years wanted to lay down and rest. On Sunday morning he declined rapidly and by the time the vet came, he had gone.

Some people think that sadness at the loss of a pet is self indulgence and maybe it is. But dogs and cats are often with you for longer than children. Unlike children they become more, not less dependent. You can feel with a pet many of the same emotions of loss, guilt, powerlessness, the passing of time, finality and mortality as you might with the loss of a friend or close relative.

Many people have one special dog during their life. I have a feeling that for me, it was Vom. He was my soulmate. He was my friend through good and bad. I miss him terribly, but I am happy that he had such a long, happy and independent life which hugely enriched my own. I am happy that he was also fit almost to the end, kept his bright-eyed look until the last day or two and was comfortable, cared for and loved in his last few weeks.

We laid Vom to rest in his favourite spot on the farm on Sunday. The kids helped dig a hole and we wrapped the old boy in a Commons and Lords rugby shirt. We placed a bank of flowers on his grave. Then we drank a bottle of wine. The sun rose as usual on Monday morning. There was no Vom rushing out, barking at the birds. But the geese on the pond have a small gaggle of flourishing goslings. The black cat is raising four lovely kittens. The young House Martins are  swooping around the buildings. Life may not be quite the same again, but it goes on.

Vom is survived by a son, Bertie, who lives with a friend - and quite possibly by a large number of other offspring within a five-mile radius of the farm.

Vom was a great old boy. He will be terribly missed.

So there we have it John Bercow is the new Speaker A Tory MP who got it with the backing of Labour MPs. I personally am not sure what to think of this development. I don’t know John personally but I know alot within the Tory party who are somewhat sceptical of his conversion from right wing Tory to a person who wouldn’t look out of place on the Labour benches.

But hey, perhaps that’s exactly what’s required in a Speaker. Someone not from one wing of  a party who is prepared to represent everyone in the Chamber. I guess it’s a case of watch this space.

Kitty Ussher is leaving the government for legally avoiding tax on her second home. Sir Alan Sugar is joining the government and also legally avoids tax by registering his holding company, Amshold Group, in Jersey.

Learning Technology PLC is owned by Sir Alan. The company uses the fact that it is one of a tiny number of UK based PC assmeblers to win government contracts for its Viglen computers and has just won a £30m government contract.

But Sir Alan chooses to hold his Learning Technology PLC shares through Amshold Group. Presumably that decision  ensures that little or no UK tax will be paid on the profits from the deal.

What Kitty Ussher did was not illegal, but it was clear tax avoidance and she resigned. What Sir Alan does is not illegal, but it is clear tax avoidance and he is getting a peerage and government job. In doing so he joins the select “million club”, now numbering seven people who have given Labour a million pounds each and ended up in the Lords - I suggest no connection, of course.

More to the point, will the soon-to-be Lord Sugar (of Jersey in the Islands of the Channel of Tax Avoidance?) be using his role as “enterprise tsar” to advise small business on how to register their companies in Jersey?